And just like that, it is time to go back to work.
No more lazy days at home with my boys, spending our time using our imagination. Like the day Cooper rearranged my coffee table items to make a train. Can you see it?
We won't have our relaxing afternoons outside painting pumpkins and riding our bikes.
Goodbye to lazy bath time. From now on, we will most definitely be back in rush mode.
Gonna miss our easy days together at home, just bonding, snuggling, and getting to know each other.
Gonna miss these pretty blue eyes in the sunlight, especially since I leave before the sun comes up and it gets dark now so early at night.
Goodbye pajama days.
It has been a blessing to have had this time with my two sons.
I am thankful to have a paying job. Very, very thankful. Without it, there would be no home to enjoy, no food to feed my babies, no insurance to take care of their health needs, etc. It sure would be nice if my job allowed me to take my babies to work with me, though. Or even better, if my full time job of just being a mommy had a monetary salary. Being a mom is so rewarding, but it won't pay the bills.
I spent most of my last day of maternity leave in my pajamas, and in tears. I definitely did not plan it that way. I planned to make it a quality day, to accomplish many things at home, and to get out and enjoy the beautiful fall weather. But my heart just wasn't in it. So I stayed home and snuggled with the ones that I love most. Tomorrow, when I miss them, I will think back to the time we spent today, and it will help. Maybe.
But tonight, I am just going to keep crying. Because I am sad. Because I don't have to be positive all the time, do I? A little pity party every once in a while is acceptable, isn't it?
On the bright side, going back to work will allow me to retire earlier, so that when these sweet little boys become daddies one day, maybe I can then stay home and take care of their babies for them. That thought may help me get a little peace tonight. Maybe.
Tomorrow will be a long day. Hope I don't get a speeding ticket on my way to pick up my sweet little Colson.
2 comments:
ugh. hate that your maternity leave is over. Will be praying for you as you adjust.
i hope your week is going ok. i completely understand your feelings. it is so very tough being a working mom, but it only makes our time at home that much better. stay strong.
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