This defines my life this week. And next week. Standardized testing is here. I am testing a small group of students who require special accommodations during the day and then spending my afternoons trying to continue to drill as many facts, names, and events into the minds of my own gifted students in the hopes that they will just remember them until the Social Studies test on Tuesday. The days are tiring and stressful. It is my least favorite week of the year. I am tired from the long days, but then I can't sleep at night because I am worried that I might misplace a test document and lose my job, or sleep through my alarm and arrive late on a testing day. It is definitely not the best part of this career.
I read an article tonight about standardized testing as I was scrolling through Facebook newsfeeds trying to distract myself from the stress of the day, and it really hit home. I try to avoid posting my opinions about things pertaining to my career on social network pages, because quite frankly, most of my co-workers are also my Facebook friends, and I just don't want to ruffle any feathers or make anyone think poorly of me because my opinion isn't "textbook." Don't get me wrong...I truly love the place that I work (and I am not just saying that to cover myself here). I work in a beautiful facility with some of the most excellent teachers out there. I have great respect and appreciation for my bosses, and my co-workers, and would not want to work anywhere else. My students are overall pretty fabulous too. It's a magnificent place to work.
But the sad thing is this... as much as I truly LOVE to teach, I don't love being a teacher anymore. There. I...said...it... I have struggled with this for a few years now, and have spent many hours wondering what has happened to the passion I used to have for my career. I thought it might be the fact that I am a working mom now, or that I am getting older and connect less with my students because of the age gap, or that my interests in life are just changing as I "mature." But truly, after reading this article and feeling the tears welling up in my eyes, I realize that what has changed is education itself. I have changed right along with it, to the point that I am not the teacher I always wanted to be. The current policies, the over-emphasis on standardized testing and data-driven instruction, and the daily implementation of standards to the point of complete bombardment has honestly taken away my passion for what I do (insert sad face here).
Ten years ago I really was such a better teacher. I did not have standards written on my board each day, or make my students copy them in their agendas, or print them at the top of every assignment, performance task, and worksheet I used. I used "teachable moments" not only to teach my kids history, but also to open their eyes to life lessons that will follow them as they grow up and hopefully become productive citizens in our society. We had meaningful conversations in class, used current events and applied them to historical events we were supposed to be learning about, went on more field trips, had more guest speakers, and truly just had much more fun learning. But now..."ain't nobody got time for that." The standards must be covered. Topics that don't begin with something like SS8CG don't get discussed in class. A perfect example of this is last week's Boston Marathon bombing. I barely spent 5 minutes in each class talking about what happened with my students, and the entire time I had my doors closed hoping no administrator or co-worker would pop in and discover that I was (GASP) using class time to discuss current events instead of doing CRCT preparation and review with the tests being a week away. How sad is that?
It's hard to teach things you don't see as relevant. Especially when the kids DEFINITELY don't see most things pertaining to history as relevant anyway. Do I feel it is important for my students to understand events such as the Holocaust and how prejudice and hate led to the extermination of over 6 million Jews? Yes I do. Do I see merit in teaching my 8th graders how individuals and states in our own country felt so strongly about certain ideals and economic policies that they were willing to separate into two countries and fight a war against each other? Absolutely I do. But spending day after day making sure they know the name of the first African American mayor in Georgia or the names of the three men from Georgia who signed the Declaration of Independence...I find myself just drilling this information into them to help them prepare for these tests while all the time wondering WHY they need to know it? With all of the modern technology out there literally at our fingertips, why is it so necessary for them to memorize details such as the name of the African American slave from Georgia who obtained his freedom by fighting in the American Revolution? Why not just let them whip out their iPhone they have in their pocket that they are not supposed to have but do anyway, let them type a few letters, and VOILA...there's your answer!?!
My first two years as a teacher I did not know what standards were. Our state followed the QCC's back then, but no one even brought me a copy of them and I did not know about them until I was partly into my second year as a teacher (nowadays that would NEVER happen). But I will tell you that those were the best days of my teaching career, and I bet if you track down those kids I had they will tell you that I was a fabulous teacher (not tooting my own horn here but I feel like I really was then). The standards that we have to live by nowadays as teachers have caused me to move into a direction that I am not happy with... from motivated to just, well, mundane.
I miss being passionate about what I am doing. I do love my co-workers, my place of work, and my students. I truly, truly do. But I don't feel like I have the chance to "work my magic" anymore, and as a result, I just don't love my job like I used to. And that makes me very, very sad. I do hope that things will turn around as more and more people may have the realization that I have had. Standardized testing and the over emphasis on the daily implementation of standards in order to prepare these kids to pass those standardized tests have stripped us as educators of the opportunity to do what we love best...truly EDUCATE our students and prepare them adequately for the future that lies ahead of them. But, hey, at least they will know the name of the first African mayor in Georgia. And that will definitely blaze a path for them to be successful young adults one day...no doubt.
